Lavender Reflections

" Great crowds accompanied Jesus on his way and he turned and spoke to them. ‘If any man comes to me without hating his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, yes and his own life too, he cannot be my disciple. Anyone who does not carry his cross and come after me cannot be my disciple".   - Luke 14: 25-33       He started by asking us if we love our families.  Of course, everyone answered with a big yes.  For most of the times, our families comes first, hence, the saying "family first".  But the gospel today seem to conflict with the beliefs and the culture, especially we, Filipinos, got used to.  This time, it seemed that Jesus wanted us to "hate" our fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters, and our own lives too.  How can that be?  How can I serve him better if my heart will be filled with hate?        As for me, my family is the most important thing in my life now.  I can't tell exactly if...

     I know I am sometimes stubborn that I tend to be choosy and demanding when it comes to the people that God brings into my life.  More often than not, I would ask God, why them? why him? and as for people I like to be part of my life but that seem to be not coming in, I would still ask, why not?      I kept thinking why I am still not in a relationship at this time.  It's been so many years now since I have someone special in my life.  It's been so long that I have tried to recover from the pains I have experienced because I decided to love. But, have I not really moved on from the dark memories of my past relationships?  Is there really no one good enough for me after my ex?  I seem to have a lot of questions and I don't have the ready answer.  I know, it's not as easy as if I will wake up one morning and some objects from the heavens will just suddenly drop and voila! the answers to my questions are there already. ...

  I am back to blogging my Sunday mass experience, and I am happy about it.  I really can't wait to share the message I got in today's homily.  By the way, Father Vincent is back, he is my favorite priest so far.  I remembered attending masses before and I really couldn't bear to understand his homilies because his accent was different. (He is Indian)  But now, he is my favorite. It's as if I got used to it already and I always look forward to hearing his homily because there would always be a phrase or a verse that would strike me.           In today's gospel, Jesus said:   “So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.”   -Matthew 20:16         It made me think where do we really stand in the kingdom of God.  Truly, most of us want to always stay at the backseat because we are too afraid or too shy, we become so nervous that we will be put on the spot i...

           I often find it difficult to write in behalf of others, what more to write in behalf of God? I didn't know how to start an activity which I thought at first was a mockery of God speaking to me.  How in the world will I be able to write what God has to say?  Again, I closed my eyes, think of my God, and in the silence of my heart, began speaking to Him.  I didn't know what was inside me (maybe it was the Holy Spirit) telling me that I should begin holding my pen and start writing... Dearest Purple,        My precious daughter, it is no accident that you are here today spending the weekend with Me and my other chosen children.  The moment that you were conceived, I have already planned for this.  Even in the darkest moments of your life which you think I allowed to happen, these are planned.  I have made those trials because I want you to come to Me with your energy drained, when you are...

          I attended a Singles Encounter Weekend and one of the activities was to write a letter to God.  I didn't know what to write at first, but I closed my eyes and began to think of the many times God saved me.  I know my life is not perfect, it will never be, but I know I will always have a God who sees me as a perfect creation.  I am loved, I am blessed. And so, here is my letter to God: Dear God,       Here I am writing you once again, but this time not to ask for any favors and petitions.      My God, I want to praise and thank You because You have given me this life.  I know I have screwed up, I messed up my life, I was stupid, and I don't deserve much love but still, You are there.  You never left me and you've remained faithful even if I am not.       God, I am so sorry for hurting you.  Sorry for not taking care of all the things You've given me. ...

Lord, I learned that there are so many opportunities that I just let pass the last year.  There are so many time not carefully spent.  I promise not to repeat them in 2013.  I would always try my best to fulfill my promises to myself, my friends, my family, and my God. Sorry Jesus because I have failed You a lot of times, I have hurt You and I have betrayed You in so many ways and yet You still embrace me in your protective care and mercy.  How come You never give up on me when I did give up on You so many times?   Jesus forgive me.  Please help me change for the better.  Allow me to love without a doubt, to believe without questions -- and to just trust and have faith in You. Amen.